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Resignation Interrogation

Well, technically, officer, I wasn’t a waiter. I was the host. Which is important because, you know, without me…how could anybody find the tables? You know? They’re, um…they’re numbered…

Failure…failure is such an ugly word. Really. I prefer to think I’m still finding myself, my, I don’t know, calling, which, is admittedly taking some time. More time than I would have chosen to allot for my coming of age. I’m starting to think I’m a late bloomer. I realize that I’ll probably have to stop using that as a preface to every conversation started with, “so, what are you up to?” eventually, because the phrase loses a bit of its earnestness when you hit your middle forties. I guess at that point you are simply a non-bloomer. An early wilter. A dud.

I realize people are growing impatient. I’m growing impatient, you know? And that’s how it happened. My impatience – or actually maybe resentment but you know, either way – my state of mind while in the work place…the work environment…I think I should be able to plead temporary insanity because that’s what I was. Temporarily insane. Perhaps the temporary part is open to interpretation but, you know, insane. I shouldn’t be held accountable for my actions under those circumstances.

Anyway, the point is, every time I went to work and began the mind numbingly – the…brain breakingly existential task of Windexing menus – yeah, that’s right WINDEXING menus – I could literally feel a piece of my soul die. And after changing into my “uniform” – my mother thought I’d be a doctor – after changing into my host “uniform” I’d take all the menus to the front of the house – that’s what they called it. You believe that? “The front of the house.” I don’t know, maybe to help out of work actors acclimate themselves quicker but anyway I’d take these freshly squeegeed menus there and every time – every time – that…just…unspeakably pretentious waiter would be up there and say, “It’s show time!” Just like that. “It’s show time!” I can still hear it in my sleep.

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Just Ingest It!

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