http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content When all you've got is a dinner setting... Sat, 10 Apr 2010 03:04:45 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 en hourly 1 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=91 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=91#comments Tue, 07 Aug 2007 01:10:15 +0000 mike http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=91 An unexpected and controversial city ordinance passed by a narrow margin yesterday in the small town of Ossining, New York - best known for its maximum security prison, Sing Sing Correctional Facility. City officials introduced a bill that would legalize the use of marijuana within Sing Sing, and called for a special referendum at a town hall meeting Monday. The bill received majority support and will effectively make the possession and consumption of marijuana legal within the walls of the prison when it takes effect in early fall 2007. "Our hope is that this bill will encourage left-leaning environmentalists, jazz musicians, the staff of High Times magazine and other miscreants throughout the Northeast United States to begin to think of Sing Sing as a liberal enclave and elect to move in. We envision being able to increase the prison population tenfold, thus creating new jobs for the citizens of Ossining while taking dangerous pot smokers off the streets," said Councilman Phil Chambers, author of the so-called "Free to Smoke" bill. ]]> http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=91 0 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=88 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=88#comments Thu, 26 Apr 2007 17:37:31 +0000 mike http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=88 Pros vs. Joes entered its second season this year. However, viewers remain confused as to who the actual losers on the program are. Pros vs. Joes pits top athletes in various sports against everyday average Joe contestants who, despite often being well into their 30s, cannot stop living in a puerile fantasy world where they imagine themselves being one break away from playing shortstop for the New York Yankees - a delusion generally thought to be abandoned on average by the age of 13. Adding to the bewilderment of observers is the inclusion of former professional athletes, or, "Pros," for the average Joes ("Joes") to compete against. Click below for the full text...]]> http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=88 0 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=90 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=90#comments Thu, 08 Mar 2007 02:38:27 +0000 mike http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=90 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=90 0 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=89 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=89#comments Thu, 08 Mar 2007 02:14:00 +0000 mike http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=89 After experiencing gains of 62 percent in the month of February, DryTech, a producer of adult diapers and other incontinence related products, closed Thursday at $5 per share - a record high for the company. Experts attribute the increase in sales to astronaut Lisa Nowak. "Previously, adult diapers suffered from the stigma that they were only appropriate for the elderly or infirm. Ms Nowak has turned that perception on its head," said market watcher and shut-in Stan Splecht in-between spoonfuls of cat food. Ms. Nowak achieved infamy after a 900-mile drive from Houston to Orlando in order to confront a coworker over what police are calling a "love triangle" involving a fellow astronaut. However, attempted murder and kidnapping aside, it is Ms. Nowak's choice of undergarment - worn to avoid bathroom breaks during the trip - that is impacting the market. "She was wearing our T-377p model," DryTech spokesman Jim Hindrumple stated. "This particular diaper is probably overkill for 900 miles worth of urine. I would have recommended our T-375f, which has a slightly smaller reservoir making it less restricting for such a drive, yet entirely capable of handling everything thrown at it." Click below for the full text...]]> http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=89 0 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=87 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=87#comments Mon, 12 Jun 2006 13:30:38 +0000 sev http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=87
January 4, 2004 - Sabino Canyon, Tucson, AZ]]> http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=87 2 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=86 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=86#comments Mon, 22 May 2006 18:34:35 +0000 mike http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=86 The Architect of Destiny. Originally produced in Los Angeles in the Fall of 2004, the play is being given its NYC premiere beginning on June 1st, 2006 in the West Village of Manhattan. So, if you’ve liked some of the writing on this site (i.e. dark and disturbing comedy that makes you both wet your pants and think) you might also enjoy The Architect of Destiny. If you’ve hated every word printed on F&SS, you might enjoy heckling me in public. This is fine, provided you pay the price of admission beforehand ($15). Additionally, please notify us of any planned assassination attempt no less than three business days in advance of said attempt. Okay, so, please come and see The Architect of Destiny, assuming it’s convenient for you. You can click here (Theater Mania) for ticket, production or cast information or go to the production company’s Web site (Inch Mile). Finally, as a special bonus for F&SS readers, I’ve included a bit of sample dialogue so you have some idea of what you’re in for. Thank you for your attention. Click below for sample dialogue from The Architect of Destiny... ]]> http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=86 1 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=85 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=85#comments Wed, 17 May 2006 22:14:43 +0000 mike http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=85 New York Times recently reported the findings of a clinical trial by GlaxoSmithKline, whose data indicates a connection between the antidepressant drug, Paxil, and suicidal thoughts. And while only a single suicide in the trail was carried out successfully, one could sense panic on the horizon. “There’s a lot of money, believe it or not, in the pharmaceutical industry. A report like this could turn people off to Paxil and have them attempting to find relief through other means such as living well or adopting a pet to abuse,” said suicide proponent, Dr. Jack Kevorkian. “People anticipate and accept certain negative corollaries from a drug like Paxil, such as impotence, laziness or weight gain but suicide, for many people, is unacceptable as a side effect.” Resident F&SS suicide expert, Sven Guput, was unavailable for comment having committed suicide - particularly well - several days before the Times article went to print. Click below for the full text... ]]> http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=85 1 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=84 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=84#comments Thu, 11 May 2006 19:00:07 +0000 mike http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=84 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=84 2 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=83 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=83#comments Thu, 04 May 2006 22:12:14 +0000 mike http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=83 When I first met Ms. Capulet, who assumed the surname of Shakespeare’s famous star-crossed lover as means of concealing her identity, I must admit I was taken aback. For all I’d heard of her, I was expecting to spend the afternoon with a monster. And yet the slight, blond-haired, soft-spoken woman I met was anything but fiendish – even offering me a spot of Earl Grey tea upon my arrival. While her appearance did not sync up with my preconceived conjuring – so far from a bestiality proponent did she come across – one glance at the decor that adorned the walls of her foyer reconfirmed her peculiar passion and kept me uneasy for the duration of our talk. It should be said, however, that, given some of the pictures I’d come across on the Internet while researching this article, Ms. Capulet’s collection was tame by comparison - achieving an air that can only be described as gracefully conservative canine eroticism. Click below for the full text...]]> http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=83 2 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=82 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=82#comments Wed, 03 May 2006 05:07:27 +0000 mike http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=82 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=82 0 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=81 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=81#comments Wed, 26 Apr 2006 18:00:20 +0000 mike http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=81 Can you guess where this picture of Sev was taken? HINT: The answer can be found in the text of this website. Post your guesses in the Comments section. (Comments will be held in moderation for a few days to give everybody a chance.)]]> http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=81 6 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=80 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=80#comments Mon, 24 Apr 2006 16:00:20 +0000 sev http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=80 Definition: noun 1. an artistic work in a style that imitates that of another work, artist, or period 2. a confused mixture or jumble. verb 1. imitate the style of an artist or work Usage: We considered making Fork and Salt Shaker a pastiche of some great blog out there. Then we realized that the last thing we wanted to be was another freakin' blog!!! ]]> http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=80 0 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=79 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=79#comments Fri, 17 Mar 2006 18:00:42 +0000 sev http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=79
March 30, 2004 - Rocky Mountain National Park, CO]]> http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=79 2 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=78 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=78#comments Wed, 08 Feb 2006 04:50:31 +0000 mike http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=78 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=78 4 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=77 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=77#comments Thu, 02 Feb 2006 03:47:21 +0000 mike http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=77 Definition: Adj. Aggressively and arrogantly certain about unproven principles Usage: The inventor’s dogmatic insistence that mongrel stew tasted best when fresh puppies were run through his Dog-Matic incurred the wrath of the ASPCA]]> http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=77 0 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=75 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=75#comments Fri, 13 Jan 2006 18:00:46 +0000 mike http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=75 Can you guess where this picture of Sev was taken? Post your guesses in the Comments section. (Comments will be held in moderation for a few days to give everybody a chance.)]]> http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=75 6 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=74 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=74#comments Fri, 13 Jan 2006 17:00:06 +0000 sev http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=74 Definition: noun 1. something or someone that one vehemently hates or dislikes. 2. a strong curse. 3. a formal curse by a pope or a council of the Church, excommunicating a person or denouncing a doctrine. Usage: 1. Fraudulent clicking of advertisements is anathema to Google. 2. Mike muttered anathemas when he learned that Google killed his dog.]]> http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=74 1 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=25 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=25#comments Mon, 09 Jan 2006 15:39:34 +0000 sev http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=25
March 15, 2004 - Grand Teton National Park, WY]]> http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=25 2 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=73 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=73#comments Tue, 27 Dec 2005 05:01:18 +0000 mike http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=73 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=73 4 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=72 http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=72#comments Sat, 17 Dec 2005 06:54:52 +0000 mike http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?p=72 Can you guess where this picture of Sev was taken? Post your guesses in the Comments section. (Comments will be held in moderation for a few days to give everybody a chance.)]]> http://www.forkandsaltshaker.com/content/?feed=rss2&p=72 9